“What is this self inside us, this silent observer, severe and speechless critic, who can terrorize us and urge us on to futile activity and in the end, judge us still more severely for the errors into which his own reproaches drove us?”
It’s true, we are our own worst enemy. Therefore, in order to break the pattern of self sabotage, we must also be our own best friend. The trick is though, that friend is not the one who continues to offer cookies and just one more beer, time after time. We confuse the two; they dress alike for some reason, but their intentions are very different.
Our real best friend is the one who keeps our highest goals (needs, wants, desires) in the forefront. Picture the angel (consciousness) on one shoulder and the devil (the ego) on the other. Just to give you an idea.
The devil isn’t a big fan of change, has a mindset based on lack, detests hard work, which boils down to self-deprecation, self-destructiveness, stubbornness, greed, arrogance, impatience, and my personal favorite, martyrdom.
Hmmm… not such a good pal after all.
Our angel, however, is much too perfect. He/she never likes to have any “fun.” If only she would just let loose every once in a while! What’s so wrong with cookies and beer?
Therein lies the dichotomy. And perhaps why we never seem to find that ever escaping balance for which we so desperately strive.
The problem is that we can only be so good, without wanting to be just a little bit badass. (And by badass I mean, have a fucking cookie–or seven! Or skip yoga and get a message. Or leave that job you hate. Or drop your boyfriend who blows. Or sign up for the tri-athlon that scares the shnikes outta you. You get my point.)
But we can only be a little bad, without feeling a whole lot guilty. (Some of the obvious: food, booze, sex, drugs, rock-n-roll, money.)
So what do we do.
Well, we make friends with the bully, of course. We get on his good side, that way he won’t steal our lunch money. When we see him, we don’t have to run and hide anymore, or worse, fall into his sneaky traps. Instead we chest-bump him, coddle HIS ego, and laugh at his jokes. We see him for what he is: a fucked up and lonely fat kid who just needs a little love.
And how does this create balance, you ask?
It means, you, the goodie-goodie and the chubby little bastard can all get along! It means that everyone can be in on the plan. When the chubby dude gets freaked out and starts spitting profanities [Read: Chunk from The Goonies], reel him back in. When the goodie-goodie gets all high and mighty on her smart little soapbox, just lift her up by her wings and bring her back down to earth.
And remember, YOU are in charge. These guys don’t even pay rent. Tell ’em who’s boss, or perhaps more importantly, show ’em who’s boss.
Deep deep down in there, somewhere, under that pile and just behind that (wait, is that padlocked?) door is the part of you that knows exactly what you need to do and how you ought to behave.
Now that everything’s in order up here in your head, why don’t you go down there and unlock that door and get cozy with that cute little part of you that has all the answers.
Listen. Trust. Leap.
I leave you with this: If you’re not already, start laughing at your ego.
PS … There is only a few more days to register! Early bird rate (by request) still applies. Garner Your Grit: 1 goal, 6 weeks, no excuses.