I was so sad to hear of Robin Williams unfortunate suicide last night. Death is often tragic no matter which way you slice it, but suicide punches us in the gut in a very different way, conjuring up such specific emotions of helplessness and vulnerability.
I think all of us know someone who has either tried to or has committed suicide. It is a rather raw pain to feel on an empathetic level, thinking: “Could that of been me?”
In my darkest of times, thankfully, I was never suicidal. I certainly had suicidal thoughts that looking back now were simplified answers to confusion, long dips in depression, and desperate cries for attention.
Although I wouldn’t dare claim, “I get it.” I certainly understand what it feels like to frantically seek a lasting escape.
A classmate of mine shot herself in the head in high school. Her last words, in her brothers arms, were, “I don’t want to die.”
She was looking for reprieve from the voices in her head, I imagine. The torture we are capable of running on repeat– all of us, suicidal or not.
The only thing we can hope for is that they find the peace they are seeking.
I am grateful each day that beyond that veil of black, I saw glimpses of hope. It would be several years before I began studying psychology and personal development and understood better my own mind and negative thought patterns I’d subconsciously woven, but those glimpses of light were enough for me to push through.
Unfortunately, from what I’ve come to learn, for some there is no light. Or, at least, that’s the way they see it. I feel nothing but love and compassion for those who feel they have nothing, or can offer nothing.
Robin Williams is a perfect example of someone we might imagine had everything to offer and live for, yet we can never know what it’s like to walk a day in another’s shoes.
My condolences go out to his family and friends, and I hope that one day too they can find peace.
“No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.” -Robin Williams
I leave you with this: Be the light.