If you’re someone like I was, who cringes at the word God, than insert whatever word works for you: Universe, Divine energy, Grace, etc.
No matter which word you choose, we’re talking about that kind of Big business. The kind we should generally stay out of.
I had a really great talk over the Thanksgiving holiday with my aunt about forgiveness. She reads my blog and is a great supporter of mine, but we didn’t necessarily agree on one certain topic, a HUGE one: forgiveness. Or, so we thought.
Forgiveness, I’ve come to understand is a really complicated topic because betrayal is multi-layered. There is the initial act of being wronged, and then there are the thousands of subsequent attacks that we’ve run through in our mind, replaying the same footage.
Forgiveness is also really complicated because the very definition can be somewhat confusing. Are we righting what’s been wronged? Are we “letting him/her/them off the hook?” What are we doing exactly?
Forgiveness, according to Webster, is: ceasing to feel resentment against.
So where does the Big G come in?
Suppose we do our part, the letting go of resentment, for our sake –remember this has everything to do with us and not the offender. And then we leave the rest up to the Big Guy in the sky.
Perhaps it’s not our job to do all the judging beyond that. It hardly serves us. I should know; I tried unsuccessfully for years.
You know the quote: It’s like drinking the poison and expecting the other person to die.
Forgiveness to me, and I think my aunt and I now agree, is acceptance of what is. It’s not an invitation to repeat the act. It’s not ignoring anything. It is processing (going through the emotions, grieving, all of it) and accepting.
It only took me 25 years for that overnight aha.
Plus, I should add, I’ve been wronged before, terribly wronged, where everything turned out just fine, better than I would have imagined actually. It surely would not have been my choice of circumstances, but it seems, looking back, I’d set the bar too low.
Perhaps it is only that our frame of reference is too small, that the workings of the entire Universe are far too complex for our measly little minds to grapple.
Also, I feel strength when I imagine that life has happened FOR me, and I feel weak when I shrink to the victimhood that it has happened TO me.
I choose strength. Again and again.
Plus, I have lied; I have cheated; I have stolen. Pointing an imperfect finger seems like a dirty business I don’t wanna be in.
I leave you with this: Think of the freedom, leaving judgement up to our Holy Homeboy. What will we do with all the time?
Kat Hurley is a transformational author, speaker and personal development coach, making over motivation @The Year of Magical Dreaming. For the full 411, visit kathurley.com, yo!