If it weren’t for Elisa, I’d likely be off in Tibet somewhere with a shaved head and a burgundy robe.
I was damn close.
I had been single for almost two years and had really begun to enjoy hanging out by myself, a feat I never thought I’d accomplish.
I was living in Hawaii at the time, Elisa in New Jersey.
I wasn’t actively looking to date anyone. I knew I wouldn’t be in Hawaii for long, so I thought beginning an island love affair would only be dangerous.
And then, one January afternoon 2009, there was this strange email on my Myspace account. She’d seen my picture on a friend’s page.
I wasn’t interested, I convinced myself, but we could be internet friends I suppose.
Three months later, when I returned home to Baltimore, we finally met. And then I proceeded to spend the next year, grappling with the fact that I’d lost all that awesome freedom that I had only just begun to enjoy.
Our first year was long distance: Maryland to Jersey, our second year was longer distance: Maryland to Hong Kong. And even in our second year there were times when I felt suffocated.
I am deeply in love with this woman, and we laugh now about what a terrible girlfriend I was in those days kicking and screaming over my freedom.
This January marked our seventh year where now we’ve begun to meld into a single human and there is absolutely zero freedom, and yet oddly, but thankfully, very little suffocation.
This is what I know:
1. I sucked at love until I got good at loving me.
2. The best person finds you when you stop looking.
3. Freedom is amazing, enjoy it.
4. Sometimes what you perceive as a creepy internet message may eventually turn into something magical, but mostly only in the movies.
5. A partner most likely won’t let you listen to what you want in the car, just sayin’.
6. You won’t be allowed to do gross things like eat on the toilet anymore.
7. Pets are awesome substitutes for relationships.
8. The best way to get over an old relationship is to get into a better one (with some space in between, of course).
9. Besides dancing in the kitchen and holding hands, partners are really only best for bearing witness to your hilarity that deep down you know is reality TV worthy, let’s be honest.
10. Valentine’s sucks for singles only a fraction of what Christmas does, you’ve made it this far;)
I leave you with this: Go treat yourself to something special. You deserve it!
PS … A rare two spots have opened in my coaching practice. If you or someone you know could benefit from an accountability partner, kind and loving bullshit detector, and mindfulness-centered biz/life/relationship coach, do holler back–asap. I’m booking initial consultations as early as this week.
Kat Hurley is a transformational author, speaker and personal development coach, making over motivation @The Year of Magical Dreaming. For the full 411, visit kathurley.com, yo!