one woman's quest to live the life she's imagined all while daring you to do the same

Primal Fear: The Pain of Exclusion

I found this excerpt on, from “The Pain of Exclusion” by Kipling D. Williams.

It’s funny, because I was just talking about this with a friend and client and had forgotten that I’d saved it for you a couple weeks ago.

Our need to matter and our need to belong are as fundamental as our need to eat and breathe. Therefore ostracism — rejection, silence, exclusion — is one of the most powerful punishments that one person can inflict on another. Brain scans have shown that this rejection is actually experienced as physical pain, and that this pain is experienced whether those that reject us are close friends or family or total strangers, and whether the act is overt exclusion or merely looking away. Most typically, ostracism causes us to act to be included again — to belong again — although not necessarily with the same group.

We were saying how isolating depression and depressive thoughts can be and how they worsen with lack of community. She admitted how much better she feels opening up and even letting herself be vulnerable, although that’s not necessarily her nature.

Our most primal fear is being kicked out of the tribe, so it makes total sense that such immense healing can come from thickening ties.

Not only that …

I made the joke, or statement, rather–because it’s true–that most people fear public speaking over death, because the fear of being ostracized is so deeply ingrained. Look at solitary confinement, yikes!

Many of our fears of failure stem from this basic primal fear. Once we see it for what it is, however, and acknowledge that we will not, in fact, be shunned for the ages, perhaps we can more readily endeavor down the roads of risk and exposure.

I bet there’s more to gain than there is to lose. Seriously, double or nothin’!

I leave you with this: What has fear kept you from? How did you show it who’s boss?


Much Love,


Kat Hurley is a transformational author, inspirational storyteller, and live your dream life coach, making over motivation @The Year of Magical Dreaming. For the full 411, visit, yo!




2 Responses to “Primal Fear: The Pain of Exclusion”

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