the year of magical dreaming

one woman's quest to live the life she's imagined all while daring you to do the same

i believe in you

By ,

It took me some time before I believed in anything. I was a spiritual loner from the time I was in second grade when the Monsignor at my Catholic school inadvertently told me my mom wasn’t in heaven because she hadn’t received Last Rights. In all fairness, it was a lesson on sacraments and I hadn’t mentioned who I was asking for. Still, he said it. So I saw that as my invitation to check out. I was seven.

It would be more than twenty years before I came back to the question of God. For someone who didn’t believe, though I sure had an awful lot to say to somebody. I desperately wanted to trust in something, but hadn’t discovered a spirituality not entrenched in dogma.

I still remember my initial glimpse of God (Universe, Divine, Grace). I sat in meditation and allowed myself to be vulnerable for the first time. I was twenty-nine. I felt vibrations all over my body and a warmth I couldn’t explain. Immediately overwhelmed, it brought tears to my eyes.

And once I allowed myself to see, I witnessed more and more grace each day.

 “It was as if I’d been lent a pair of rose-colored glasses and everything before me was suddenly and lustrously illuminated by love. For even more profound, I recognized that love as myself. I’d end every meditation with, “Thank you—I love you.” Meant for God, I suppose, originally, but the more and more I said it, I realized I was thankful for and loving more the divinity in me.” –I Think I’ll Make It

There was one meditation on the beach I remember vividly. I sat with a simple mantra: I believe in you. Whether it was God, the universe, or whatever I was calling he/she/it at the time, I was tuned into the channel and gosh darnit, I believed.

I sat there, softly repeating, “I believe in you, I believe in you, I believe in you.”

And then it struck me. If I am the universe made manifest, then I believe in ME. Another first. More tears. Further affirmation I was on the right path.

“Everything in the universe has a purpose. Indeed, the invisible intelligence that flows through everything in a purposeful fashion is also flowing through you.”    -wayne dyer

I leave you with this: Even if you don’t believe in God and are not comfortable with all the other lingo, surely you believe in the energy of nature, or the connection between humans, or someone who has passed away that you might think of as an angel, whatever that is for you. In the next 24 hours give yourself a few minutes to get quiet, be vulnerable, and sit alone with that energy, again whatever you call it. Try the mantra: I believe in you. And really, truly, let yourself believe.

#Onward and inward

Much Love,

kat

9 Responses to “i believe in you”

  1. Lauretta Zucchetti

    Dear Kat,
    This post is truly beautiful. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability in sharing your most intimate feelings. May I suggest a book I am reading? It’s called Fumbling, by Kerri Egan, and it’s the story of a woman who treks the El Camino de Santiago and finds out that God is everywhere. It reminds me of this post…:-)
    PS did you lose your mom as a child? If so, I am very sorry!

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    • kat.hurley

      Thank you, Lauretta, for your comments and the book rec. I’m always looking for books to add to the list;) Yes, I lost my mom at five. I wrote about it in my book, I Think I’ll Make It, so I have a bad habit of writing as if people know at least a little bit of that story. No need to apologize, I am who I am today because I was raised by an unbelievable grandma and I had the best guardian angel in the business watching over me all along;)

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